Beauty is not skin deep; it’s much worse than that. It’s both a mental and physical state.
And just as emotions like fear and enthusiasm can be contagious… it’s important to be able to resist being swayed by others’ image of you. (Their words, your self!) It’s hard enough if you’re uncomfortable with how you look, without the added burden of insults.
Therefore…! Whom would you rather be around… nice people, or people who denigrate you?
Lesson #1: find better company. Compassionate, sincere company. This is not so easy, but it’s doable, over time. And it’s good for your overall mental health for all sorts of other obvious reasons!
The right kind of people to be with are those who accept you. Seeing people for whom they really are works both ways, and has multiple connotations; it entails not only allowing others a fair chance – don’t forget to give yourself a break! Try listing your own numerous qualities. After a while, you might want actually want to know that wonderful person (the one inside you) better!
Besides, associating with more normal people (mentally and physically built) will realign your ideal self-image.
Lesson #2: do something practical, such as improving your lifestyle (click here for discussion). You’ll live longer, too.
Lesson #3: limited your exposure to negative media. So much of what we see in movies, magazines, television, and (anti-)social media (as outlined by clicking here) reinforces the pathological societal trend of favouring abnormally thin female models, and overblown male examples of walking steroidal chemical imbalances. What’s even worse is that mainstream media images are heavily retouched photographically. In other words… the false world portrayed is doubly unreal!
So turn off Facebook (or cancel your account!), and stop picking up magazines that propound these wrong impressions!
Lesson #4: while you’re at it, get rid of other negative reminders, like the bathroom scale, and any redundant mirrors in your home!
One of my students once asked me if the models whom I’d treated looked as good in real life as their professional photos. His question contained its own answer; honestly, they all have pimples, cellulite, and body hair, and they worry, just like everyone else.
With and without makeup and artificial photo editing… YOU figure out the rest!
Lesson #5: wear comfortable clothes. In other words, stop wearing clothes that “flatter” your figure excessively (these are clothes designed for someone else). You DON’T need to be flatter, and you’ll only feel “fatter” in an outfit that’s two sizes too tight.
The design of your wardrobe can be comfortable and complement your build appropriately. If you think you’re too wide, then subtle vertical motifs (like up-down stripes) in your outfits will help (NOT broadening horizontal stripes, as in the photo). Whereas if you think you’re too thin… try clothing with horizontal accents to de-emphasize and break down verticality cues.
Dark versus light colours can also attract or deflect attention from certain features of your physique.
But in the end, your best friend is the one who follows you around everywhere… so it’s better to get along with yourself, because you’re also the only person whom you can completely rely on to be there, always, for the rest of your life.
And it may be better to part ways, at least for now, with anyone who disrespects your best friend.
Dr Ling 🙂
PS If you still feel some need for the approval of others… consider that many people find attractiveness in someone who is self-confident.